the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
