I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
