that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
