can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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