its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
