Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
