you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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