Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
