I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
