you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I AM VODKA MAN
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
