ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
