He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
