I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
