i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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