so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
