The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
