the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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