The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
