I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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