you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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