I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Alive.
So much puke
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
