I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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