Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
