Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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