k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
