He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
