I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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