I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
