I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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