I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I have post one night stand depression
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