I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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