bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
