Having a random hookup so left but love u
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
