the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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