someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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