threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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