My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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