I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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