Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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