i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You know, be my cock's hype man.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
