im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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