Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
