i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
