I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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