I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
