Dual....:-)
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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