I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
