Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
