the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
