I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
