I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
