you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's gonorrhea incarnate
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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