Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
