i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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