sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
