College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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