If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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