i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
