dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
