I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
