At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
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Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
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