I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
