Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
