okay pat passed out under dana's car
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
