He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
