I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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