I hate all girls vehemently.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
