we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
