google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
