so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
