We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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