she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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