I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Randomize
