next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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