you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
