Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
